Learning to let go of the Past by Jill Smart

Letting go , is something I have been doing in increments

since I began to wake, in late 2003.

Letting Go is easier , so much more so in a conscious state of

mind for both , and intelligent decisions are mutually united.

A marriage out of balance, becomes the divorce from hell and

the period at the end of the sentence is never availed when

all is done to avoid the truths , and project the blame on the target.

The divorce is not finalized as long as this continues, as long as he

manipulates the co owned property , as long as he shames the sons

and conspires that I am the monster in the closet , and it is not how

I ever intended to live my life.

He did not have to “save” me , nor did he have the right to in grain

in 3 young boys, that I was worthy of his abuse , neglect, unfaithfulness

 ; there was not 1 ” contracted”, before God and family  vow that he did

not break.  He was supported by the unknowing, critics , who access

someone as worthy because of their portfolio ,name or position in the

community ; like some many things were different  when “in family”

Even that I am unsure of , though as  a child , one said the net worth of the

grandparents , it was high , and that ” carrot ” demands a lot of attention and

judged me unacceptable.

So I am none of those perceptions and I have the tools and the validation

of mine not being the only parent who continues to be abused medically

and legally , following the abuse of the partner .

The kids grow up , and in that trauma,  must choose the “perceived”

safer parent and the abuse escalates with each attempt to reconnect.

Our sons have been used , in his friendship it is required to shame ,

isolate and blame me , for his unhappiness.

I did not expect to marry and become the mother of an adult, and

when that began to look like fact, my pregnancy of joy, was one of

his loss of control and financial stress.

And blame was projected beneath the perception of acceptance…

  this man needed a maid…

I needed support , and to be heard ..  I knew bliss and joy ,

heaven on earth  being a Mom, and then I had the involuntary

addiction , the breakdown/breakthrough, of much spirit and I

was treated like a leaper in that family ,something drink, money

nor sex can heal ..psychiatry had the answer……… a

“chemical straight jacket”  .. and all around me expected “normal” ,

not grasping the trauma, passing off the reactions to triggers of PTSD;

I was thought to be bipolar and treated with medications that addicted

and induced bipolar.  If anyone knew,  they remained silent ,

and that was my hell on earth as well as the effect on our sons and

know it is my intention to let this go with the grace and force of

millions of parents  who know  oh too well  of what I speak .

Blessings & Peace, Dona Luna

Learning To Let Go Of The Past

Posted Aug 17, 2015 by Jill Smart
Moving-On-Cover-Photo-facebook
By Jill SmartHow many of you have experienced the end of a friendship, relationship, partnership or just loss in general?

We all go through loss at times in our lives, whether it be a marriage ending or the death of a family member or even the loss of a job. Maybe you have heard someone say to you, “Oh, just let it go” or “Give it some time and you will feel better” or even “It was never meant to be.”

I know I have personally heard each one of these lines. You see, at age 19, I lost my father to alcoholism; he was just 40 years old. I am in the process of my 3rd divorce and I recently packed up my life, leaving my 20 year old daughter behind to start a brand new life.

Sounds like either a lot of poor choices were made or it was just the way that life decided to play out. No matter how you choose to look at it, there are lessons to be learned here.

Each of the situations mentioned above were tragic in their own way, but they also allowed  room for personal growth through learning how to let go. Realize that letting go does not mean that you have to forget or pretend it never happened or even take blame for what happened.

Letting go means that you are allowing yourself to expand your life, open your heart to new experiences and feel joy and oftentimes love again, most importantly love again for yourself.

Letting-Go-LASo, how do you make this happen? How do you let go and begin to LIVE again?

This is the big question that many struggle with, wondering how to let go and how to walk away from everything that’s been familiar for so long.

Think about how many people you know that long for a different life – maybe even YOU desire a much different life than the one you are living now. Are you living with daily emotional pain and just want to be happy?

Frequently, fear of the pain of change holds people back from reaching for what they want most in life.  You, in fact, may have expressed your desire of what you would like your life to be, but your mental programming holds you right where you are, because it is safe and comfortable. Fear is the connections you have to past experiences that you project into your future, causing you to anticipate that you will feel the same if those experiences are repeated and to continue to deal with how you felt at that point in the past.

Fear is trapped energy that you hold within you. It began with past traumatic experiences and you assume that trapped energy will protect you from them happening again.

But you will find that it won’t protect you.

When you begin to release this energy, you begin to let go of your fear. You have a choice to feel fear or to love. When you move toward what you love, you begin to let go of what you fear. It just happens that way.

Realize that as you begin to move toward what you love, fear will rear it’s ugly head, but if you face the fear and see it for what it is – which is merely energy needing to be released – you will be able to let go.

There are a few simple things you can do to help you through releasing the fear that will make letting go not so difficult.

1. Breathe

When you begin to feel fear rising up within you, stop and breathe into it. Take a deep breath and as you exhale… let it go. By practicing this technique, you will learn how to feel when fear is taking hold and you will be able to counteract it and weaken it’s hold on you.

2. Remember

Letting go is a choice, it’s your choice. This is merely a fork in the road of life. You have the ability to make the choice to buy into the idle chatter in your mind from past pain and mental programming or living the life of your dreams doing what you love.

3. Realize

Your past is not your present or your future and you decide how your life story will play out. The past is exactly that, the past… it happened and it is not your current reality. Replaying it over and over in your head is not serving you, so it is time to push the stop button or change the channel. The reality is that this only creates stress for you, ultimately producing headaches, anxiety and unhappiness.

4. Desire

You must find desire for change within yourself. Only you can create the desire for letting go, no one else can do it for you. You must decide that the pain of letting go is better than the pain of staying the same. Find the passion within you to imagine a different life for yourself!

5. Decide

The decision to change and let go must come from you. It is not necessary to know exactly how to let go, but it is imperative that you have made a firm decision to let go. Once you have done this, then every step you take from here on out will move you towards letting go or away from it. There is no middle ground or grey area at this point. You will need to take responsibility for your choices and actions.

Letting go is not easy. It will require you to step out of your comfort zone. Your best life lies ahead of you one step at a time. Not every step will be comfortable, but every step forward will bring you closer to letting go and closer to the happiness, success and best life that you desire!

*If you are wondering how my life is going… I will tell you that I love my new life in San Diego, California. I have learned to embrace my fear and live from a place of love and every day is a great adventure! I know you can do it too!

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