Sexual Abuse – How to Go About Forgiving Your Abuser : Healing Suggestions for Both Victim and Abuser

Healing Suggestions for Both Victim and Abuser

Do you continue to relive the sexual abuse of your past? Are you holding onto your anger? Does the pain inflicted upon you by someone in the past continue to stir up hurtful emotions?  There is no better time than the present to leave your hurts behind you. Allow love of self and forgiveness to lead you onto a present-day pathway.

We have to go through some unfortunate experiences sometimes in our life


When you speak with other people you will always find out how easy your experience is in comparison to what they have suffered. The impact that experience has brought on your life cannot be identified in your immediate moment but on the contrary will be understood once you step out of the experience itself.

We always seem to look for reasons to justify our experiences or lessons in life. It is easier not to ask for the reasons and sometimes there may be no identifiable answers. However, there are always two reasons in such cases.

  1. First it is karmic, in the sense that we are running into a pattern of karma involving another person where we keep dragging the lesson from life into another (see Karmic Bonds). Unfortunately, under these circumstances until we learn to understand our experience and forgive the people involved in the event that karma will remain until such times. It is up to us to stop it in the end and with that, the process and pattern will then cease to exist.
  2. Secondly, it is just an experience or lesson that we acquire to have in this life in order to learn something in order to maintain balance in our evolution at a soul level.

There are many cases in our day-to-day life that we can discuss here but I will choose only one situation that is really touching many people today in our lives.

Sexual abuse, whether physical or mental abuse are both to the same extent and can bring the victim the same effects, in terms of the feeling or shame that is brought about from the experience itself. But also over time it will likely bring those victims to a state of un-settlement in terms of their sexuality and their trust toward the opposite sex or the same sex where sometimes this may be the case and also in their relationships. I believe many of us can relate to one or two points I have mentioned.

Defining Sexual Abuse, Whether Physically or Mental Abuse

The way I define it is where sexual abuse being physically is an act to forge someone into performing physical acts against his or her consent and free will.

Mental abuse is an act upon someone, either in order to convince or degrade them by tapping in on their mental state by pushing on their self-confidence and self-esteem in an attempt to convince them to do things against his or her consent and free will.

One instance is not better or worse than the other. In both cases scars are created in the victim’s mind. Either can take a lifetime to heal unless dealing with the situation after the actual event is handled properly.

Which one of my two definitions is a case being karmic or an experience? Well does it really matter? I guess not, but in either case we need to look at the situation in terms of the victim and the abuser, both in the same time. From there we can determine just how to get out of the dilemma and heal the scars in the process.

Healing Actions for the Victim

For the victims in both types of the abuse I explained, regardless if you go for a court settlement in order to punish the abuser and have financial compensation it won’t solve anything unless you deal with and heal the experience internally.

What do I mean by that? Well it is very simple. Until you come to terms with the experience and accept it and learn to forgive the abuser for what they did to you, you will NOT ever be able release yourself from the experience. Forgiveness is in no way a means of trying to justify what they did to you in the first place. Rather, in order to put your own life back on track to live a normal and productive life again you must learn to let go and heal the scars of that experience. Most importantly, you must NOT blame yourself either because our mind can create a different scenario where we will start to truly believe that it was our fault in the process.

Leave What Happened in the Past

We need to understand one thing that is really essential, whatever happened in our past happened, and we are here today in our present moment. Whatever we do, we cannot go back and fix the problem and erase what happened in our past. However, we can accept it and allow the healing process to take place, bring forgiveness and give blessing to both yourself, and to the person or other people involved in the situation.

If we don’t do that we are the ones who are left suffering in the end. We don’t deserve that, do we? Stop feeling the anger, hate, or frustration that we have been carrying all our lives since then. What have we to gain from that? Nothing really! Think about it and try to do something about it.

Allow Love to Flow

Bring love into your being. The energy of love is the most powerful and strongest energy that exists. Love can move mountains! So, it can also move experiences from both our conscious and subconscious minds.

Revenge is Not the Answer

Do not allow your abuser to win by accepting the defeat. Revenge is not the answer. Nor is closing yourself to other people, that is not the answer either. Do not allow your past to hold you back from embracing all of what your future has to offer.

Transform Painful Experience Into Wisdom

Think of your experience and what it brought to you in terms of pain, anger, and frustration. Transform that energy into knowledge understanding and wisdom in what you’ve experienced and use it toward helping other people who have or are suffering similar experiences to your own.

Be Honest

Be honest about it to yourself. You deserve to suffer for the rest of your life! Unfortunately many victims like the attention that comes from being victim, but in the end you are the only one who will suffer the most from this. Give yourself a break and just accept, forgive and let go. It is high time to stop creating our future karma in situations we could have solved in the first place in this lifetime. And also, forsake of not becoming the abuser of someone else in our future.

For the Abuser

Sometimes it may have been the case where the abuser was a victim when they were young. This is all very well and all points discussed in this article apply to you too. Otherwise, whatever event happened should never have happened in the first place if you, as the abuser, had allowed your own healing process to take effect.

No Excuses

It is not an excuse to say that an abuser was abused in his or her past. This does not take away the fact that they have hurt someone else because of their own hurt and anger.

Driven by Fear or Sense of Powerlessness

In some cases, the abuser is fearful of his or her own situation and picks up on his or her victims weaker side and uses it in order to gain power over the victim, or on the other hand to satisfy his or her ego. That is an attempt to run away and hide from the fear or weakness inflicted upon themselves as a result of their own experiences, of which they do not know how to or accept to deal with. We see these situations in the abuser, mostly in cases being mental abuse situations. (see The Cycle of Sexual Abuse)

Evaluate Your Life

In the end, take a moment to evaluate your life, your situation, and your experience which has brought you scars and ask yourself the question. Why am I punishing myself? Do I deserve that in my life all the suffering I am still going through? I don’t think so.

Edited by Phylameana lila Desy

 Healing Suggestions for Both Victim and Abuser

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