Don’t feed the Narcissist or they will keep coming back for more!
A Narcissist is a master at manipulation and their specialty is that captivating, magical BUT fake charm they exude to make themselves SEEM so personal and special in yours and my world, but in reality it is to send us spiraling into a fog and fall into their trap of deceit so they can exploit our life and love. They seduce people into their lives with their cunning charm and they know who to select and who to avoid. They will come on strong and literally sweep you off of your feet. They miraculously seem to have the exact same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits and everything that you have – they seem like they could possibly be your twin. They admire your intellect, your physical attributes, your ambition, honesty, sincerity and they love your family and friends. They want to commit immediately, move in, or even marry you quickly. They seamlessly fake empathy, integrity, morals, appear concerned with everything ‘you,’ always helpful, comforting, and very generous in this love bombing or idealization phase – BUT IT NEVER LASTS because it is ALL lies!
So why is it that they work so quickly to draw you in? They NEED new and varied supply constantly! Narcissists can’t stand to be alone and they need attention/admiration 24 hours a day and 7 days a week! Remember they are supporting an empty façade and have to feed it constantly to make it feel real to themselves to avoid that inner monster. As long as they can fake it they can remain disassociated from the real damaged self that is their reality – so they make it a full time career! That façade is also the predominant tool to con people in so they can get all of their needs met. They create whatever they need to get whatever they want – it is as simple as that! They need MANY sources of supply in case they lose one along the way. They fear being abandoned and alone! Knowing this may make you want to pity this unfortunate creature and help them change but don’t be fooled because the Narcissist has no interest in changing. Subconsciously they enjoy and feed off of their own self-destructive nature AND revel in controlling people to get what they want. This is a workable façade for them to secure supply and that is all they want. Like any other biological creature they have the ability to change but they never seem to mind their abusive ways or harming people because it works for them and they reap a bounty of goods from the people they con into their life.
On the surface this Narcissist is absolutely charming and seems like the real deal, so it doesn’t seem possible that they can be this destructive and this abusive creature. But once you start learning about their past relationships and how they have just blamed everyone and everything for their own personal failures as well as the destruction they have caused to so many in their past you start to wonder and you sense similarities in your relationship with them. How could such a romantic and loving person (this Narcissist) always end up losing the person they loved (their many failed relationships) or be it the Narcissist falling out of love because the people they were with ALWAYS had horrible issues? Well because the Narcissist is the real culprit here and the abuser! They don’t survive just by faking love to get supply they also hide their abusive ways to avoid exposure so they can keep up the charade with life!
A Narcissist simply enjoys being in the throes of a new love interest or the newness of a different lover or lets be real and call it new and more supply. The ego boost of new Narcissistic supply is intoxicating to them and they just blossom at this stage because it is new entertainment that really satisfies his/her needs and feeds their ego like a drug addict getting more of their drug when they are going through withdrawal. A drug addict needing a fix would take the food right out of their children’s mouths to get that next fix and the Narcissist is the same way when it comes to getting their next fix of supply – nothing stops their addiction to it! There is never one person or one true love, we are all just another source of supply! But the Narcissist takes this loving charm to the absolute extreme to make you believe it will last for eternity to get all they can. The Narcissist creates and shares so many romantic visions of the future and talks about growing old together. He/she puts you on a pedestal and you are the most beautiful/handsome, the smartest, the kindest, etc., etc. They never want to leave your side or spend a night without you. The Narcissist says these things to you repeatedly, and it is like a dream come true! BUT it is all manipulation and meant to hypnotize you into full and complete submission and becoming dependent on this beautiful love that will soon turn into a desperate love. This is when the Narcissist plants their seeds of control and domination, or the foundation for future abuse. Sounds like a bad horror movie but as incredulous as it sounds this is the reality. You are being groomed to be one of the Narcissists servants or supply until you reach your expiration date.
On your part you live this amazing love and take in, inhale and ingest all of the beautiful words and promises. The words make you think this is THE person that is truly your soul mate that everybody dreams of meeting and YOU have FINALLY found them. This is the one and they are so special and unique. Yes they are and it is too good to be true and that is because it isn’t real! Little do you know that the words are the exact same words this Narcissist used with every other person that came before you. This Narcissist used these words on their first wife/husband, and probably on their fiancée that they proposed to just days after they kicked their ex-spouse out of the house, and so on and so forth. There was NOTHING unique or exceptional about any of the ex’s, or about YOU in the Narcissist’s mind – everyone was just the next source of supply when that Narcissist got bored or caught and outed! The only thing that is unique or exceptional about you is that you came AFTER the rest of them – so you are unique for the time being because YOU are the next in line as supply. The Narcissist never learned or grew from their previous relationships. They may tell you they have learned and grown from their prior mistakes with their woeful stories and they swear they will never make any of those mistakes twice. That just means that this Narcissist never makes the same mistake twice with the same person that they have drained emotionally and abused because they separate their past from their present to avoid exposure. There is a HUGE difference.
You are new, fresh and filled with naiveté and ignorance about what is inevitably going to sneak up on you and knock you out cold. You are not their soul mate and you are most definitely not the one. You are the Narcissist’s right now and for the here and now. This Narcissist hopes they can completely control you to get the most out of their investment of time with you. All of the ones that came before you were crazy because they were out of control. They weren’t “out of control” just out of Narcissists ABILITY to control and to the Narcissist that equals crazy. The Narcissist conveniently destroyed all of these prior ex’s integrity with a smear campaign to cover their tracks or the abuse. You believed this Narcissist that they were in such terrible situations in all of these relationships, BUT now you begin to see the real pattern. Because you are a normal/real person AND an individual you will be the next one who becomes out of control once you start expressing YOUR needs. You will be the next one the Narcissist abuses and calls crazy. We all end up here and that is when we understand the truth about this charming soul mate we believed in with all of our heart and mind. We ALL have an expiration date and are abused! This wasn’t a soul mate – it was a soul stealing mate!
Is there a lesson here now that we have felt the sting of this poisonous Narcissist? Yes it is about understanding the truth so that we can back out of this with the reality of that truth so we can gain our spirit and belief system back! It is about clarity! Yes we loved a person and that is normal. We were not bad, crazy, or any other thing we were told we were! The thing here is that we were not foolish, or just that dumb or easy to fall for this horrendous betrayal. Nor were we unaware that there are people out there like this we just didn’t believe it was THIS person, just like sometimes we don’t believe a hurricane can hit and destroy our lives, or a terrorist attack until we experience and understand how real this can be. Hindsight is always 20/20! You are an amazing person that knows love and NEVER deserved this abuse or to feel the indignity of another person dehumanizing you in this sadistic manner. Don’t allow it to remain as any part of your future! No/minimal contact! Greg heart emoticon