(I agree with getting support in rising from the remnants of your life after domestic abuse; with the
13 years of misdiagnosed bipolar , I had addictions and patterns to break and change , essentially
with a brain that was hotwired by medications that reduced me to zero, more than once. My life line
was the realization that came and went of the farce ; of not being heard .. just as I had not been heard
in the rape by my uncle at aged 5. My silence did not deny the physical manifestations that I had trauma
but I had a Mom that was detached . I have 3 sons that are part of this inhumanity that is needless
and based on select people, mostly old men , making decisions for the masses , without heart and or
education , but invested none the less.
I had to look at , heal and release all that I could and I never found that healing in therapies, groups
or standards of practiced educational books ; it was through alternatives , and it took me many years,
and I can honestly say the shame part of my life has fallen away because I was carrying al lot of other folks
shame and blame . Knowing better why that was and continues liberated me from self blame for
the whole of this transformation is to forgive , love, nurture and accept all the parts of you thus healing those
over looked or wounded areas .. I had many guides , supporters and so much patience from so many
and that has been my therapy . Spirit , wisdoms , words , finally the words , hibernating
for so many years .)
Healing from Domestic Abuse
Healing the Injury of Battering
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
There is an icky feeling that domestic abuse survivors feel within themselves when they are in the presence of the partner that battered them. It’s a feeling so clear and distinct that you can’t deny its presence even though you seek to rid yourself of its grip. It grabs you in the gut and weakens you from the inside out.
Battered Psychological Bruising
You feel your vitality is strained, drained… and often times utterly quashed. The heaviness of this feeling is what you come to associate with being in the presence of the person who battered/batters you.
You are ever so mindful of the difference in yourself by contrast when you are with other people. For example, you may notice how vital you are in your interaction with others. There is a liveliness that you experience from within and you bring it out into the exchange with other people.
You are energized in these interactions. You exist in these conversations. Your opinion matters in these communications. You count and you feel present, appreciated and honored with respect.
You love yourself and you love being with these people. Then, you return to the person that batters you and, once again, the icky-ness consumes you. Over time the contrast is as clear as day and night.
The Battering Cloak
In working with battered women (and men) over the last fifteen years, I’m keenly aware of this pattern of their self-perception and inner experience—colored by their abusive relationship.
It is as though they become the person seeking to survive in the battering relationship while with their abusive partner. It’s habitual, reflexive and automatic. They feel their partner’s disdain and see themselves through the eyes of his (or her) derogatory, diminishing perceptions.
Healing from Domestic Abuse
In both healing abusive relationships and healing from domestic abuse, one must be mindful of this inner psychological bruising. It doesn’t go away on its own just because you decide to leave the relationship or even when you intentionally seek to break the cycle of abuse within your relationship.
It’s a wound that you carry inside which requires your focus and effort to effectively heal. While time may lessen its hold, your inner emotional psychological work is what ultimately mends this injury. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you recover from living in and/or leaving an abusive relationship. Seek the support and expertise of professional help to assist you in healing this battering psychological bruise.
For more information on healing from domestic abuse, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/healing_from_within.php and claim Free Instant Access to The 7 Realities of Verbal Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and couples worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.
© Dr Jeanne King — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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"Dr. King, My son finally contacted me after seven years. I am in shock. Thanks for all of your help and guidance especially when I was suicidal. My son is now texting me every day. Plus he wants a new jersy with the number 17 (my birthdate). Thanks so much. And God Bless." Consulting Client
Copyright 2009 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com All Rights Reserved.
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.