It took a long time for me to grasp the anger , guilt and shame
that I had “inherited” not only from my Mom, in her neglect of
my higher self needs , as she had with her Mom and it has been a bonus to put that behind me . We had moments , and each of her children has their own recall and views on her as a Mom. I was so horrified by my out of mind behavior , when I began my long journey to detach from the involuntary addiction , or the “silencer” of psychiatry and their co joined twin , the pharmaceutical industry, whose toxic soup of chemicals damn near killed me; not so anyone would notice however as we are so under educated and so duped by mainstream , which amounts to corporate and less that objective views . What is to be learned of the past, these horrid experiences ?
In her book , The (transforming ourselves )Conscious (empowering our children) Parent, by Shefali Tsabary, PhD, the discussion of parents allowing a higher consciousness , learning alongside your child as should be . A child is a reflection or mirror of the parent’s forgotten self, and once that parent finds their way back to their essence, they enter into a more scared union with their child , relating in the more mindful state of presence .
She also believes in equality within the family unit , where each is heard and ministered and has duties which empowers the child in security and honesty , for the safe haven of home.
When that equality exist, with in the family unit , there is little friction , less anger for each individually has been acknowledged and needs met .
The many causals for the fracturing of the family unit , of non education and growth in the order of tings for over 30 years and the disclosures so very current of the many negative influences , abuses and denial of basic human rights including domestic abuse and medical abuse , has created the ‘search engine” in me that allowed me healing with the knowledge that I have nothing to go on , about my possible medications as a new born,(no vaccines at birth) but I have NO idea what she took, or felt while I was her in her body . However I did reject her milk, and she had a medical doctor , a quack who misinformed , her telling her she was not in labor and sent her home , and Joyce Marie died , and labor was spontaneous. She had begun to decompose , Mom’s 2nd daughter , her 1st illegitimate , and 1 year old when she married Dad, who was not the father… Raped, shamed , stuck , no voice.. how can I not forgive the past ? She had little positive reinforcement growing up , or nurturing . I was the 3rd female born to her and nearly died , in a society that honors males over girls .. geeeze
I read a long time ago to try to see each person you know as the 3 year old . Though she never was able to open to me, she came to trust me, and made me her an emotional partner , as an adult , as poor communication was an issue between them . Her 3 year old self looked like me , very similar , she was tighter with her Dad and she loved fantasy . So I am sure she loves her heaven as she certainly deserves it after a life of very little of it .
Mom would have been 84 on December the 4, and as I stated in my delirious state of “bipolar” to my siblings in the waiting room , after she dies, nothing will ever be the same and it was not and with Dads’ death became the liberation from siblings who have abused and manipulated in their wounded unhealed selves ,stuck and projecting and lashing out.
I no longer adhere to the love involves pain …
Love you Mom, I am sorry, Please forgive me and I thank you .
And no the Circle is never broken , in spirit & love Mom