“I’m a nice guy, girls just want to date douchebags.”
16. Don’t be possessive
If he doesn’t trust anyone and tries to separate you from your close friends and family, he’s probably crazy.
17. Really freaking nuts
If he gets into the school system and spends countless hours looking through student pictures to find your name just so he can add you on skype, then he’s probably crazy, trust me. Oh and if he finds your facebook, becomes friends with your friends to get your phone number and messages you every few hours, you can bet he’s crazy. (They were two different people.)
18. If you have an answer for everything
I’ve dated a sociopath (ok, he probably was a full blown psychopath) and the disturbing thing about that experience was that he set off a TON of flags, but every question I asked was answered by something plausible enough or deflected so skillfully that I doubted my gut.
So that became my new Uber Red Flag: men who always have an answer at the ready to every single question or scenario, or who deflect/redirect the conversation so it appears you are in the wrong for even asking questions in the first place.
19. Ain’t nobody got time for that
Comparing me to his mother constantly. Definitely going to be some weird ass neurosis down the road that nobody’s got time for.
20. “Epitome of a pathetic loser”
Stage 20 clinger status. Always found an excuse to come over, even after I’ve repeated told him no. Show up at my door anyway, and conveniently be around dinner so he’d have an excuse for me to cook him dinner. This boy was 27-years-old and is the epitome of a pathetic loser. Long story short, police had to be involved and restraining order filed.
21. He’s got hang ups
If a guy constantly shit talks other women or his ex girlfriends, I get concerned. If a guy refers to all of his exes as bitches, sluts, or whores I’m out.
22. An alcoholic
Save yourself a lot of pain and heartache, if he wakes up in the morning and starts drinking, then continues to drink all day, run far away and don’t turn back. Living with an alcoholic is the worst fucking nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
23. That’s not very gentlemanly]
A guy I was casually dating was giving me a lift back to my car after a night hanging with some friends. I got a little turned around as it was an area I wasn’t that familiar with and the one way streets were throwing me off. After driving down two streets and not locating my car, he angrily pulled over and told me to just get out. At 2 am. In the middle of downtown Los Angeles.
24. Here’s some red flags
1.Talks A LOT about the friend zone.
2.Obsessed with his own look, and very concerned about how you feel about the looks of other men.
3.Talks about women in terms of bitches, hoes and/or sluts
4.Overly clingy /needy after one date, or worse, feels that you owe him all your time after just some texts.
5.Calls all his exes crazy.
6.And my personal favorite. When a man feels that he has me “figured” out, or can tell me what type of person I am after one date.
He has absolutely no other friends besides you and is constantly available to the point of you being his #1 priority.
This is mostly creepy when you’ve only known him for a few days.
26. Ugh, really crazy
Was still living with my parents at the time, broke up with this guy. Went to my night class at college and came home to find him on the couch crying to my mom about how I broke his heart. The next week he tried to break into my car when I was leaving work.
27. This is a sign of a man who is WEAK
A guy who can’t admit to ever being wrong about anything, even little things.
28. Okay, what the fuck
I was meeting someone for coffee from an online dating site, and I mentioned that he was the first guy I’ve ever met via an online dating website. He proceeded to ask me how many other “dates” I had planned for the rest of the day, how many messages I got per week, and how many visitors go to my page. Not a great start to online dating.
29. Although, if you’re going to say mentally retarded, I’m going to have problems with you too
Making fun of and laughing at a very sweet mentally retarded man who approached me at our cafe table to tell me he thought I was beautiful.
Yeah, there was no chance there was going to be a second date.
30. Good old Facebook!
Creepily commenting on pictures I posted to Facebook over a year ago. Also continuing to hit on me over a period of months even with the knowledge that I’m not interested and I’m already dating someone.
31. Bro code
Just a good side point. If you’re a guy and you catch one of your guy friends pulling some of this “red flag” borderline psycho shit, it’s your responsibility to check that shit, confront your friend, and explain why it isn’t okay. There’s a huge gulf between romcom cute Pursuit and stalk/possessive abuse and it happens when we let it happen and it starts stopping when we start stopping it. TC mark
More & oh yes many were standard operational procedure
………………More warning signs……
.just didn’t want to see me cry or be upset by something he’d say. He’d constantly break up with me through text and bring up super important things through text. Not to avoid confrontation, not because he could express it better, but for his ease and so he didn’t have to deal with any consequences. Some things are better said in person, but he never had the decency to do this. He told me that if I cried he’d feel guilty and he “didn’t want to deal with that shit” I at first assumed that he just felt more comfortable talking this way since he was a bit of an introvert. So one day I had a pregnancy scare and told him via text. And oh shit was that the wrong thing to do because “why the fuck would you tell me something like this in a text???” Again, double standards.
10.Communication. This motherfucker had god-awful communication skills.
11.I could probably think of a thousand more but this got long enough. Some of them seem pretty huge now that I write it out but at the time, it was so subtle and happened so slowly. They were little things that piled up. For instance, at first he just didn’t want to meet my friends. Okay, fine, the relationship is still newish, we’re going slow. But 4 months in turned into 6, then to a year, then to two years and so on. That’s how it was. Very subtle at first. And of course very situational. But these sorts of little things could be cleared up with communication. Which he sorely lacked. Had I asked him why he didn’t want to meet my friends, he would have taken offense and said I was accusing him of stuff. A normal healthy person would say “I’m not ready for that yet xyz reason, let’s see where we are in a couple months.” Not him, no planning for the future, and no regard for my feelings or well-being. It all seems so glaringly obvious now, but he was very manipulative and would make me question my feelings of uncertainty and feel guilty and ashamed about my suspicions and doubted my instincts.
10. This is a pretty big red flag
When he wouldn’t let me wear shorts because “No one should able able to see that but me.” Sadly this didn’t actually strike me as crazy/possessive until after the relationship ended.
11. A pushover
A red flag for me is a guy who doesn’t know how to set limits with his family. Someone who doesn’t know how to speak up for himself against his family, letting his mom control his life, and trying to live in the footsteps of his father instead of paving his own road.
12. If you repeat that thinking it’s going to work, you’re crazy
I was with a bunch of friends at a bar getting drunk and towards the end of the night everyone left except one of their friends I had just met that night. He ordered us another drink and I reluctantly stayed. Then he asked me to come back to his home and I told him no. He asked over and over again and then started saying, “It’s not like I’m going to rape you.” He said this over and over and I got the fuck out and left.
13. We can get really weird, huh
There’s a fine line between a crush and overdoing it. I’m flattered if you have a thing for me, but there’s a right and wrong way to go about it. I’ve got two notably weird examples.
I met this one guy in high school while I was out with my friends. He added all of us on Facebook, and didn’t say anything to any of us for about a year or so. Then one night, my friend Valerie got a chat message from him saying, “Hey Vince, what’s going on?” She replied to tell him he’d clicked on her name instead. He replied, “Oh, sorry about that. I was trying to do that quick. While I have you here, though, how’s xAnDeinerSeitex doing? Is she doing well? Is she seeing anybody right now?” Valerie advised that maybe, he should talk to me. He then sent me a message saying, “I don’t mean to be so forward, but you’re the most amazing, most stunning girl I’ve ever seen. And your glasses are so damn sexy.” I brushed it off with a quick “thanks”, because I wasn’t interested. A few months later, he went through and liked a bunch of my photos, and sent me another message, “You just get cuter and cuter every time I see you!”
There was also another guy who I had been loose friends with in middle school and reconnected with in high school. He had a crush on me, but I didn’t reciprocate the feelings and started dating another guy a few months after my “friend” and I reconnected. He was hysteric, screaming at me about what a bitch I am and what a piece of trash the guy is. He then called me at 3AM on a school night to tell me that I’m wasting my time and nobody would ever love me like he loves me, and that the guy I was seeing should “watch his back”. He never did anything more than call me a few more times, and he stopped when I told him I’d get the cops involved for harassment if he called me one more time to vaguely threaten me.
Complimenting too much. I understand if you want to compliment me, but every other sentence and I start to think, “Maybe this guys a little weird” and it just gets worse the longer it goes on.
15. If you have to say this, you’re probably not a nice guy
“I’m a nice guy, girls just want to date douchebags.”