Today a gal pal saw my struggle with cash flow and gifted my lunch . I had a lovely
chat with 3 intelligent and present men of a certain age who heard me me on my court outcome and offered wisdoms that only such men offer .
It does my heart good to live where I do and want never to leave until my earth
suit is no more . Until then I would prefer to lease , with poor credit but 1/2
ownership in a commercial property and intentions to begin cockling and learn
more of being an end stage death dula , sharing with the family a more peaceful
at home , natural exit with all present that can and wish to be . I saw the peace
of Dad’s labor to exit his body assured he was guided and supported , by spirit
that he looked upwards to.. It was a type of birth and I knew it well and I rejoiced for
his as his spiritual mother .
I am in need a secure home with a mindful landlord in the Floyd area. I want
privacy as a write, reader , researcher , always living in the moment and I prefer
guest call first . When expressing that is necessary, and ignored , as well are request
for a contract , that I type up , required very dangerous repairs are ignored , I am back
in a ‘marriage ‘ of neglect/abuse that has been a trauma since childhood along with
I did the same thing to our kids , and I guess I thought it was ok because we were home
owners and moving up in house size . The 3 acres I find appealed to my heart and soul
and it had more to do with a 400 foot driveway , than being in an upscale neighborhood
for me. For him it was party central and the kids had their relatives and friends over. I was
was considered lazy for not wanting to be a working mother of 3 , on his arm when ever he
wanted and wherever he wanted and doing what he wanted . So I fought hard for family
trips beyond the families’ beach home.
Home is a haven away from a rushed society . I consciously preferred staying home and
sharing responsibilities , but he clocked out after work and if he came home it was surface.
Surface, describes his disconnect which becomes worse as if he has dementia , which could
be possible as he smoked aged 14 to 63 ish . However, for whatever reason , his voice has
prevailed to guide him, and he is a very bitter man who thinks I should pay and he should
have my physical address as of 3/24/16, the 4 or 5th request .
As Easter has been a very spiritual and open portal , for me, bearing fruit , I have written
descriptions of the house I long for , and prayers to make an easy transition , with funds
forthcoming to make that possible . I have not been able to pay those who have moved me
these past 3 local moves due to not having an increase in 10 years ..not to speak of.
I do not plan to take any government money because that is an entitlement as it stands
I now know I cannot take any chemical man made medicines and must at all cost remain
chemical free. I do believe I have been treated time and again for chemical poisoning and
if all of medicine is as inventive in creating disease and cures and chemicals in conjunct
with powerful chemical companies ; including 13 years as a “mental patient “. A bit of
early 70’s experimentation as well as relatives in house of the AMA persuasion had
adapted me to taking pills to fix things . Of course I knew I was ill physically and
declining , as physical ailments and more medications became norm; no one noticed
and blame included the weight which ballooned !.
Of course no one in family or friends knew what to do as I was early in on the bipolar
epidemic .Involuntarily addicted to Xanax prescribed for a sever spastic colon , 12 days
at 5 per and I was highly toxic , and incarcerated for 17 days away from 3 sons aged 11,
8 and 6 , who am sure had no reassurances, as I am knowing the eldest experienced
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder trauma as he tried his best to aide me as I had my chemical
induced nervous breakdown , and was never healed of that.
Along with the evocation of evil that pour out of me repression, depression and the
advantage and projected blame of my partner were obstacles as well as non support
or understanding that I was in an abusive relationship, normalized by friends who for
the most part were in like relationships .
My sons were affected though none admit that . The last 2 weeks have reminded me by
a highly toxic reaction to a prescribed man made chemical that I was being treated for the
symptoms and the disease was marginalized as the only culprit..
Exiting this house that deserves so much care, but as I write this the farmer across the way
is spreading his chemicals on his acres , and so I came inside to write and surrender to the
cramping in mid back that signals a state of toxic to me . So magnesium has been ingested
a cup of lemon ginger tea is coming up and a book or movie .
The living bereavement of child abuse via parental alienation is another epidemic , and so
many are rising to end this often continuation of domestic abuse through a system that is
long overdue a mindful and conscious update !
And so it shall be. I wish you all your heart’s desire this sacred holy spiritual day not for
the death but for the resurrection , that which we all are entitled to in this earth suit
or some other form. life everlasting , the never ending story ~