A lot of people have asked me to write an article on triangulation, because it is a very common tactic that narcissists use to inflict abuse.
Most of the people in this community have suffered triangulation, as I also have personally.
There is already a great deal on the internet about triangulation, and I know many of you have read this information, however I really wanted to feel into this and understand and convey the dynamics of triangulation on a deeper level.
What is Triangulation?
Triangulation is an indirect dynamic of communication and behaviours involving more than two people that are unhealthy and unwholesome.
The trademarks of triangulation are covert operation, deceit and abuse.
The simple definition of triangulation is: one individual attacking, discrediting (smearing) or/ and abusing another person with the use of third-party people or institutions.
There are three traditional parts of the ‘triangle’. These are
1) The Persecutor – top right of the triangle
2) The Rescuer – top left of the triangle, and
3) The Persecuted – bottom of the triangle
Many people, on surface level, believe there is only one person in the triangle acting out unconsciously and unwholesomely. Or at the most two, which of course ‘makes sense’ if we don’t believe we need to raise our own consciousness to change our life, and the only way we can be healthy and safe is to only hold other people responsible.
I don’t endorse this powerless model, and I believe if we choose to remain unconscious we have no ability to detach and heal from toxic situations and create, generate and participate in healthy relationship dynamics.
What I realised, when I previously felt deeply into triangulation, needing to heal the deception of it within my own life, was the ‘gaps’ within myself which had caused me to play out not just one, but two sides of the triangle myself.
I have been the receiver of persecution at the bottom of the triangle, and I have also been at the left hand top of the triangle believing and defending narcissists against other people they were discrediting.
If you are honest with yourself, you may also recognise a time you too bought into the narcissist’s lies and deceit, and believed him or her in regard to discrediting others.
The truth is, to heal and understand everything in our life, and to evolve past any painful lesson, we need to self-reflect.
We need to recognise the parts of ourselves that require up-levelling.
These are the disowned inner parts that lead us into unwholesome triangulation, and before healing these parts, how we may have contributed to fuelling the triangulation.
Let’s look at the three roles within triangulation.