ACoN Adult Child of Narcissist
Bait text/message Any communication from the narcississt that is designed to engage the person who receives it and elicit information from them. Often, the text/message contains words or phrases that have worked as triggers for that person before, e.g., “I haven’t heard from you for a while, is everything OK?”, “I guess I’ll just have to find out from such and such how you are doing now, as you don’t seem to want to talk to me anymore,” “what have I done that’s so wrong that you won’t talk to me?”.
Bait texts/messages are commonly phrased in either an innocent way so the receiver doesn’t realise they’re been drawn back in and replies without thinking (e.g., “Hi how are you? We’re all well.”); or in such a way that either makes the receiver feel angry or guilty, and puts them into a position of feeling like they need to reply to defend themselves. Sometimes they will be vague, and imply some kind of crisis or emergency has happened, e.g., “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but can you please call. It’s time you know what’s happened to Nanna.” However they’re phrased, narcissists use bait texts/messages to draw people back into their world in order to create the drama they crave (narcissistic supply).
CN Covert Narcissist
DoNM Daughter of Narcissistic Mother
EF enabling Father
Engulfing NM an NM who has no boundaries with her victim and views the victim as merely an extension of herself
Fauxpology a false apology; an apology delivered in such a way that it incorporates a dig like saying to an obviously distraught person “I’m sorry that you got upset by what I said,” which blames the victim for being rather than taking responsibility for the upsetting words that were uttered.
Fleas narcissistic-like behaviour traits displayed by a non-narcissist, generally learned behaviours from having been raised by a narcissist and not knowing what is normal for the situation
Flying monkeys people who do the N’s bidding, whether to inflict additional torment or to simply spy on the victim or spread gossip
F.O.G. Fear, Obligation, Guilt. Tools the narcissist uses to control and manipulate us.
FOO family of origin, usually the nuclear family in which the victim was raised, but may include cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. May also include offspring of the victim.
Gaslighting “…a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”
GC golden child, the child(ren) in the family who can do no wrong, the favoured child(ren) in the FOO
Grey Rock presenting yourself to your Ns as being terribly boring and having nothing interesting about you so as to make yourself as uninteresting to them as possible. When employing Grey Rock, you say nothing about your life and when asked, give short, nondescript, uninteresting replies. When having to see an N face-to-face, wearing dull, non-descript colours and no clothing that would draw their interest or remark (no designer bags, nice jewellery, silk scarves, etc). When you become as dull as a gray rock, you become part of the landscape and no longer attract the interest of the Ns.
Hoovering the N’s attempt to bring an “escaped” victim back into the fold in order to resume the Nsupply. Previously ignoring NMs might suddenly become inexplicably attentive, previously engulfing NMs may offer unexpected apologies for vague previous transgressions, whatever it takes to get the victim back into the fold and resume Nsupply
Ignoring NM an NM who largely ignores (even neglects) the victim until or unless the NM is pushed into providing proper attention by an outside source or need of some kind
J.A.D.E. (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) When you feel you are obligated to justify, argue, defend or explain yourself to an N or Flying Monkey. This is a learned behaviour and completely unnecessary in an adult. You owe explanations to no one but yourself unless you are under court order or being interrogated by the police.
LC low contact in which the victim reduces contact with the Nfamily members to a bare minimum and which s/he controls.
Malignant Narcissism a degree of narcissism in which the N feels it is acceptable to proactively victimize another, up to and including physical violence
MNM malignant narcissistic mother
NB or NBro narcissistic brother
NC no contact in which the victim cuts off all forms of contact with the Nfamily members and which s/he controls
NexH narcissistic ex-husband
NF narcissistic father
NH narcissistic husband
NM narcissistic mother
Normie a normal person; someone who was not raised in a narcissistic household
NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Nrage the outpouring of rage from an N when thwarted in his/her expectations
NS or NSis narcissistic sister
NSupply or NFeed the ego gratification the N receives, usually as a result of exploiting others
Projection the act of attributing to another one’s own feelings, beliefs, attitudes, prejudices, motives, expectations and/or reactions.
Scapegoat the blamed child/individual who can do no right
Triangulation indirect communication; one person acts as messenger between two others, often times altering or fabricating the message to suit the tale bearer’s objective. Mother tells the child, for example, “your father is upset with you because you didn’t take out the trash,” when, in fact, the father hasn’t even noticed. Mother may then tell father “apparently Johnny thinks it is your job to take out the trash, not his…” thereby creating conflict between father and son.