Hand On My Back; Unknown to me

The sad truth , personally as I listened to this cut on an awesome CD by Mary

Chapin Carpenter , is that I have never had a beloved’s “hand on my back”.

I have never known the shelter of love that is ‘home’ and safety .  Far from

feeling like an abuse magnet , I have surmised the lack of knowing, and of

nurture or having poor examples to guide us lead us into harsh life lessons.

I recently discussed my urgent need for representation legally only to hear

from a professional, “well you married him”.  This is the dominate thought

process that is also abusive to a survivor of partner, medical, and legal irregularities,

that have led to the ‘white out’ or denial of any responsibility , production action

that would end the conflict of families caught in the tangled web of systems of checks

and balances that perpetuate the never ending narcissism, that had been supported

while following the guidance that should be extinct .

I do not hate the man, any man, or woman, only the acts of one who has no clue and does

much harm in making callous statements that inflict the heart and soul of anyone who

has experienced the darkness of partner abuse, medicated in error and watched as their

children crossed over in acceptance preferring my living grief and death , rather than

looking the whole picture .

Weeping today, in reality that it is most likely that I shall forever be seen as ‘forceful’

and strong or weak, instead of knowing the peace and love of a partner who knows

to put his hand on the small of my back…..

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