Owning the Saint & the Sinner 

It has been documented in a book on the life of Mother Teresa lamented of her

aloneness that is the nurturing natural intimacy that routinely is feminine , and

a treasure in balance with masculine . Very difficult given the contradictions in a

life lived by many who have stories that teach , bonding in often tragic life

altering experience that unhealed can often trigger . I was not a passive Mom

I allowed an acceptable level of autonomy for each of my very individual sons

which was challenged by money, power , critics , abuses is spirit I was not equipped

to acknowledge , in large part due to unresolved , unhealed , unacknowledged rape

at age 5 by an uncle , that as I developed could not stand to be near.  He was serial

rapist , as around age 8 on an overnight at the farm , I woke frightens and homesick

to catch him on top of granny ! Whew !!! That’s a lot for a young , impressionable

8 year old with a sense of things that only a few folks around me who seemed connected

and heard me .  A grace that I had them.

Of course as a good girl in the eyes of Southern Baphist , I was always and forever a sinner

and faced certain hell for every error I made, I was spiritually detached but ever hopeful .

That hope was enflamed with a renewal I had never known with the glorious news of my

being with child . 2 lost angels as I know the love of the Father . The very casual detachment

steeped in shame by inherited family was a wet blanket I grew to ignore, but I only fooled

myself . My foundation always shakey was my motivation to change for the better. And I had

many precious moments that were curtailed prematurely due to judgements professed to

be the holy grail that psychiatry and their sorcery of concocted chemicals ! Eradicating

the family , has great corporate profit potential ,

I won’t go further with that , but wanted to reinterate that I have an ongoing forgiveness

and love thing going on with self that has known Heaven & Hell on Earth , and critical

judgements only point to discomfort, bordom, triggers etc, and after so many hellish

years , with a knowing that experience has taught me in my journey , everyone had a story

and the healing is indeed in acceptance that I, We are worthy of love that begins with self

love sans ego , or just enough to not be disadvanted . I knew times of self ugliness , and an

awareness of my loveliness. Self hatred was as I found a collection of barbs and abuses that

often did not bother the other person. I relived times of pain and shame and lack when in

stress and emotional turmoil and this escalated even when later in therapy , the ignorance

as in my religion left me bereft …and fodder for vulchers that I regard as axis of evil

that haven given a free pass to the person who made me less so he could be acknowledged

a the supreme being ,controller, uncle Dad who allows as a demand that my living death

is death is normal to our 3 sons and 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter .

I have been over tested for sure but in the school of life I know no end . The shared human condition

that has adversely affected our children has been normalized even as current events point

to the fake being accepted as reality .

Narcisstic Personalites do not co parent, but counter parent, and as life does get more precious

with the passage of time , the many obsticals, distractions , trials , judgements , critics

the need to find healing modaties outside the box, and though I may not sound professional

I do have certification as an Intuitive Counclor and have had those glorious returns when

I am reminded how my “seed” planting was nurtured by the recipient . I know I’m not

everybody’s cuppa , and I acknowledge those counter oppositional folks who project

angry for whatever reason , I become their target …I realize that I have opened that up

for more test on my focus and self work, as these latest experiences are forging  what I feel

may be the grace to compile my years of efforts , which I know well will speak to many .

The harm done to the Mother, via her disposal by a partner who has no concious grasp

of the consequences of his acts towards his happiness , on their children has more than reached

a groundswell , as I hope to deliver the “goods ” in May , as my new life begins and more

of a past that certain folks still like to abuse me with , speaks to triggers and healing

that avoidance does not with more time make better, mine and

land theirs though my passion is tangible , I don’t feel the knife

in my heart as I once did;acutely so .

Why, because I have surrendered to All that Is and  I

acknowledge the divine plan that is recalibrating this entire

planet, and all wrongs righted in the order of universal law.

 

 

 

Over it? Never. But a do have new lights to my eyes , and a never ending love for

sons who chose me as their Mother Vessel , as I chose them and we deserve to be released

from a contract we did not sign, that was divisional and has no indication as of today

of  any restoration .

I am not a quitter , but I am not going to be a scapegoat for anyone , ever again !

Blessed Surrender !
Blessings & Peace

4theLoveOfBuddha,

Dona Luna

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