He has no idea of loyalty, love, morality or truth. Nor, does he know anything about courage, faith, trust.
He is aware of the words but his understanding of these words are fully reverted back to his self . In other words, all of these things must be given to him but nothing is required of him in return. Furthermore, none of these words are understood in their true sense but warped into new meanings that suit him.
Which is another task that a victim child has to overcome on growing up and onwards from a father such as this.
With Narcissistic Fathers you are not the best child you can be until you are fully compliant in the role he sets out for you. Whether that is the awful child, beautiful child, sexually appealing child, intellectual child or mixture of everything to suit his changing moods.
Until the day he dies you are meant to be a servant to his ever increasing demands, and they will increase as he gets older.
Personally, I keep a distance but interject should I feel that he is entering into harmful situations and/or harming others.
This is because of my own personal understanding of my situation and because I can’t in all good conscious sit back and watch him hurt himself and/or others. In fact, within his own family of origin, he is (believe it or not) at the very bottom of the Narcissistic food chain and used and abused by his own family.
He treated me growing up, just how his family treat him. Now, that I have a feeling of indifference to him as a father, I can subtly try and avert any major disasters within the family.
This kind of thing is not recommended should you still be trying to heal. I would always recommend looking after yourself first then taking anything else on in small, non committal doses and only if you stay well while doing it.
He will be, until the day he dies, a severely deluded man. He has created this fantasy ‘mob rule’ family world but there are fractures. Fractures which he clearly sees and refuses to believe it is him. In response to these fractures, he has run back to his own Narcissistic family of origin and allows them to twist him even further away from us.
It is not my problem and however your father made you feel is not your problem. Your issue now is to re wire what he taught you and then you will be able to discern healthy modes, from non healthy modes. Once this has been completed, you will feel indifference towards your father and indifference towards anyone else who tries to replicate how your father was to you.
One of the first clues, on meeting someone new, is where do they place you? Do they come from a stance of equality or from an inferior and/or superior stance.
How you are placed, is how you will be treated from there on in. Always try and meet from a place of equality, regardless of who they are and act from that stance.
You are the master of yourself and need no replacement father. Having a mentor in your life does not mean that they should take over the paternal role. They will, if healthy, offer advice but only if you ask for it and will allow you to make your own decision without judgement.
I am sure I will touch upon this topic at a later date.
Historically, men have been allowed to rule whichever way they wish. It seems to be their default but not one that you need to accept.
If you find yourself putting more work into having a relationship with your father than you put in to any other area in your life, then perhaps the problem isn’t you but them…relationships are meant to uplift not drag your down.
You are worthy of love and respect, especially if that is all you have ever given out.